Welcome back and apologies for the impromptu break! This week, instead of reviewing a sex toy, I wanted to talk about the Orgasm Gap. It’s actually somewhat relevant to sex toy use, because sex toys can aid women to orgasm both during masturbation and with a partner. It is however an unfortunate reality that women orgasm less than men in heterosexual partner sex.

Why is this?

I believe that there are a multitude of possible reasons. Here are just a few of them:

  • Many women have grown up with shame around sex and as such they are not comfortable with their sexuality, which create mental blockages to enjoying pleasure and sex;
  • It is increasingly common to not feel comfortable in your body, not feel comfortable being naked, and this is a distraction in the bedroom. Instead of enjoying the act you wonder if your breasts are too saggy, if he sees you from the right angle, or if the light is too bright;
  • You are worried about touching yourself when someone else is watching, perhaps due to above mentioned reasons, so even though you could, you don’t;
  • Mainstream porn has created an image of 1) the female orgasm and 2) how men should be equipped and perform, which is not a good representation of reality. This creates false ideas and pressure for both men and women;
  • Our culture teaches us that the man should give the orgasm to the woman rather than her taking responsibility for her own pleasure;
  • Sex education has reproductive focus rather than a pleasure focus which means that nobody really learns about female anatomy as far as pleasure is concerned;

…and the list can go on.


So, what can we do about the orgasm gap? I discuss a few ideas in the video. One of the most important by far is communication. if you missed my article on how to talk about sex, catch up here.

I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this topic, whether publicly below, or privately via a DM on Instagram or my contact form.

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If you missed my previous episodes of Toy Tuesday, they are here. Did you miss my most recent podcast appearance with Catie Friend? Check it out here.


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